The Four Pillars of Personal Power -- Malti Bhojwani

The Four Pillars of Personal Power -- Malti Bhojwani

What does it take to be a powerful woman or man? Firstly, let’s consider what it means to have power! Though it may mean slightly differing things to different people, I have reduced  it  to these two components, Personal Power and Social Power. 


I just facilitated an amazing workshop for global women leaders, where the focus was persuasion and influence; in other words, social power--the ability to articulate and communicate your views, so as to affect the opinions of others.
 
Personal power is not about manipulation or being authoritative, but rather it's about being super confident in being yourself, and in your beliefs, and then allowing that self to shine through brightly. 

As a life coach trained in somatic and ontological coaching, in my corporate workshops, I teach participants how to embody this kind of personal power through an intense, three-day self awareness process, around body, emotion and language. Here, I will share what I can, without being in the same room as you. Read on, for the four pillars of personal power.
 

Clear and Honest Self Awareness
 
For one entire day, imagine that you have a video camera fixed on you, recording every movement you make, thought you have, word you utter and action you perform. Almost sounds like a sting operation, but you get what I mean, don’t you? Switch on the internal REC button, and be aware of how you are being in different situations all day. Keep a journal handy and take notes.

It was so beautiful for me to see how willing these international women from the BRIC countries and the US, UK, Australia and Germany, were, to express and explore themselves within the safety of the workshop room.

If you are willing, this could be an exceptionally clear mirror of how you are being every other day of your life, in various situations, with different people. Notice a few things about yourself:
 
1) Did I say and act upon what I felt strongly about?
2) Did I wait to see if someone else would do something first?
3) Did I allow myself to stand back and watch situations unfold, when I knew I could have altered the result by getting involved?
4) Did I think it was someone else's job?
5) Did I blame the situation or others for any of the results I had?

This is not about judging yourself, or making excuses, or coming up with reasons, this is about you being honest with you! Only through this kind of honest awareness can you have any personal growth. You see, how you do one thing is how you do everything!

Notice Your Self Talk
 
It would be difficult, if not impossible to influence others, if you are internally constantly playing a record that says you are not good enough, or smart enough, or capable enough. When looking to persuade another to buy into, or even remotely consider, your idea, you need to sound and look like you believe it yourself.

Powerful people are kind to themselves; they would never (not even jokingly) say anything derogatory or negative about themselves. In order to build this power, you could start re-programming yourself through repetition, with affirming statements and beliefs, that would take you closer to your desirable outcomes. Remember, it takes as much effort and fantasy to expect a negative result through fear and anxiety as it would to exaggerate a fabulous outcome through faith.
 
Fear v/s Faith, both are invisible, you choose one. Having a personal declaration has been extremely powerful and helpful to drown out the negative internal voices. It is almost like an affirmation, but you treat it like a binding contract and live your life by it. It could also be a mantra like, "I am good enough."

Focus In Rather Than Out
 
A powerful woman or man realises that it is impossible to please everyone and needs to spend disciplined time every day going "in". Even when I run a fabulous workshop and score at least a 9/10 to a 10/10, there will be one person who inadvertently would disagree with something I said or did, and give me a 5/10. If I rethought my career based on these anomalies, or allowed them to affect me too much, I'd be miserable, and would have displeased 20 others at a time. 

Stick to what you believe and have the courage to accept that some people may not love it. Unfortunately, human beings have a tendency to look at what is missing instead of what is.
 
Being powerful comes from a very deep-rooted, strong sense of self. This can only become available to you if you actually invest time each day with yourself. 

As a Transcendental Meditation (TM) Meditator and yoga teacher/practitioner, I commit to this daily "plugging-in" above everything else, and I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to become more powerful, in and out. I absolutely LOVE the way Ruth Cherry, PhD - clinical psychologist, from San Luis Obispo, CA. puts it..."...A powerful woman knows that she is nurtured from inside herself and honours that well-spring of wisdom that is removed from her mind. She trusts the depths of her being and knows that what she learns, each time she stops and attends to her inner world, is different. She respects the ever-changing process that moves through her. 

She knows that, with stress, she can lose her anchor, and listen to a voice that's not her wisest. When she notices that she's not centered she stops and centers herself through meditation, or another spiritual practice. She knows that at her core, she is a spiritual being. She experiences her oneness with that spirit at least daily. She knows that through her spiritual practices, she has access to a guidance, her mind cannot manufacture."

Affect More Than React
 
When you practice going in, and building a strong personal power base, you will be more equipped to affect your surroundings, than be affected by them. Think of becoming a huge antenna tower, exuding your vibrations, rather than a receiver picking up the energies from around you. Haven't you ever experienced when you carried an emotion long enough, it would become infectious to the people around you?

Personal Power is not about giving ultimatums; being reactive, threatening; using last ditch efforts to force someone to shape up, and it is not about giving mixed messages where our words say one thing ("I can't take this anymore") but our behaviour says another. Instead, personal power is about declaring a ‘bottom line' - this evolves from a focus on one's self, from a deeply felt awareness of our own needs and limits of tolerance. We clarify a bottom line, not primarily to change or control the other person (although the wish may be there) but to preserve our own dignity, integrity, self-esteem, welfare and well being. (Herriett Lerner--Dance of Intimacy)

Having all that personal power is great as it definitely sets the foundation for social power, but unless we can communicate clearly our requests, offers, declarations or promises, we are not really affecting anything and can't really call ourselves powerful in any right. In short, according to the research of French and Raven, in 1959, "power is the ability to influence others to believe, behave, or to value as those in power desire them to or to strengthen, validate, or confirm present beliefs, behaviours, or values.”

In this article, we haven't even touched on will power, without which no real influence is possible, but that's a topic for another encounter on nrizone.com. Stay tuned for more on will power, and social power!
 
Malti Bhojwani is a professional life coach, author and facilitator of transformation and self discovery. Having been on her own in the personal development industry for over 15 years, she brings her years of experience to scores of individuals, teams in corporations and entrepreneurs all over the world. She is an affiliate with Aberkyn - a Change Leadership Partner, co-founded by McKinsey & Company who have recently set up their SEA office. You can visit her site at www.maltibhojwani.com 
Views expressed and claims made in the articles on this site are the contributors' own, and nrizone does not necessarily agree with them, or endorse them, in any way.
Contributions are published in good faith, with due diligence, and liabilities for authenticity or copyright lie with the authors.
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    You made some good points there. I did a search on the issue and found most people will go along with with your website.